Victoria, British Columbia, Phone: 250-744-1731

Connecting Personality Type to Communication: J/P Differences

Connecting Personality Type to Communication: J/P Differences

By Donna Dunning

“Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to communicate.” With apologies to Sir Walter Scott, the subtleties in communication styles are significant.

In a Meeting

Imagine you are in a meeting discussing an imminent decision when someone suggests; “Let’s wait and see what happens before we decide.” How you respond of course, depends on the situation and the decision you have before you. However, there are general differences in how people might respond to this comment. Some may agree that it is good to collect more data, while others would rather make the decision and move on to the next topic.

At Home

A similar situation may occur when discussing where to eat dinner, what to do next, which movie to watch, or other more important life matters. Do you prefer to decide or keep your options open? How you approach the world around you can influence your communications with others.

Judging and Perceiving

In personality type language Judging (J) is not used as “being judgmental” in the traditional sense, rather it is used to describe a preference for coming to a decision in order to move forward, accomplish tasks and reach goals. The alternative preference, Perceiving (P), is associated with taking in more information and keeping options open. Often Js want to decide while Ps want to explore more possibilities.

People who prefer Judging like to structure and organize their activities as well as the environment around them. They like to make and follow plans. However, those who prefer Perceiving may not want to be confined by structure and planning. They prefer a more open-ended approach. While we all have the ability to use both of these approaches, a person tends to prefer to operate in one mode rather than the other.

Problems with Planning

When people share time together, this difference can create communication problems. For the upcoming weekend or vacation next month, the Js may want to plan and organize when and where they are going. In contrast, the Ps often prefer to not make plans, experiencing the day as it unfolds. Those with Judging preferences may argue that, without planning, you’ll miss interesting events because flights are full, hotels are booked, and tickets are sold out. This is all true.

Those with Perceiving preferences may insist that if you make plans in advance, you might not be available when that wonderful last minute experience arises, your plans may not fit with what you feel like doing in the moment, or the planning itself can cause stress due to unexpected events. This is also true.

There are no good or bad ways to manage your time. As with all personality type differences, planning and being spontaneous have both advantages and disadvantages. The challenge is to meet the needs of Js as well as Ps when spending time with others.

Dealing with Deadlines

The completion of tasks is another area where Js and Ps differ. Ps often are stimulated by working in a last minute rush, close to the deadline, while Js usually like to start early and accomplish tasks without the last minute time crunch. Js can find an impending deadline more stressful than stimulating while Ps may not be motivated to work on a task if the deadline is too far in the future. In my MBTI® certifying workshops I have heard many stories of Js telling Ps that the deadline for a product is sooner than it actually is, because they don’t trust the “just in time” work style. This does little to improve J/P communications, since Ps are not happy when they figure out this ruse.

Erroneous Labels

Which brings us to the topic of work style vs. competency. Some negative behavioral labels erroneously applied to Perceiving types are lateness and disorganization. Being late for appointments or meetings, completing projects behind schedule, and not organizing important documents are performance issues, not personality preferences. Please don’t label these behaviors as characteristics associated with someone who prefers Perceiving. In a similar way, we can’t associate inflexibility or being overly concerned with structure and protocol as behaviors associated with a Judging preference.

There are some people, both Js and Ps, that have performance issues or inappropriate behaviors, but this is not because of their preferences. This also means that personal preferences are not excuses for problematic behaviors, although I’m sure you have heard people use their type preferences to excuse some behavioral problems. Unfortunately, I have heard many J/P stories where people were frustrated by their differences and described these differences as problematic behaviors rather than positive, alternative ways of being oriented to the world. Perhaps thinking of the advantages rather than disadvantages of each approach might help people avoid this negative mindset.

The Best of Both

The positive synergy of a combined J/P approach highlights the best of these two personality preferences. Being decisive or flexible as appropriate can help us interact more effectively and untangle the web of communication differences.

Have you experienced J/P communication differences? What strategies worked for you to communicate more effectively?

Communication Resources

Introduction to Type and Communication describes in detail how personality preferences influence communications.

If you live in the USA, Introduction to Type and Communication is now available on Kindle.

Looking for a practical resource to help you plan your ideal career? Check out my book, What’s Your Type of Career?: Find Your Perfect Career By Using Your Personality Type

Share
This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 12th, 2010 at 8:43 am and is filed under Blog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

16 Responses to “Connecting Personality Type to Communication: J/P Differences”

  1. David says:

    I am all too familiar with the friction caused by the J/P difference–I am INFP and my mom is INFJ, so it is our only difference in the MBTI. She tries very hard to impose structure, order, schedule, routine, etc. on me. Early in my life, I tried my best to meet her expectations, but I typically failed miserably. After a while, I began resisting the imposition of rigid structures in order to keep my flexibility. I’ve finally found some success in managing time using a more flexible alternative to scheduling (which I like to call “flow”), but I have yet to get my mom to understand that I fundamentally differ from her in this respect. To this day, she still doesn’t get it. To her, scheduling and rigid structure are too fundamentally important for anyone to not rely upon exclusively, and if my personality doesn’t afford itself well to it, then my personality needs to change. Such an attitude completely misses the point of the MBTI, which is, in my opinion, that people fundamentally differ, people cannot be forcibly changed fundamentally, and that they should instead be accepted as they are and helped to use their natural personality effectively. I don’t have this much trouble with most Js, but I’m afraid that, in this case, the ability to effectively communicate with a J eludes me.

    I was kind of hoping for more insight or practical suggestions in this article lol, since I found the others in this series insightful.

  2. Donna Dunning says:

    Hi David,

    I appreciate your comment and can certainly relate to the experience of a J not getting the idea that being flexible and unstructured is an acceptable way to be. I like your term, flow, describing the Ps flexible approach. I must confess that I too (ENFP) resist imposed structure.

    As for insights or practical suggestions, here are a few. Maybe other readers can add to this as well.

    Perhaps we can educate others to see that Ps are not disorganized or ineffective. Are there examples you can share with your mom of how you meet deadlines or make decisions as necessary? Behaviors like punctuality and task completion show her your approach is effective.

    Perhaps your mom finds it difficult to accept alternative ways of being because she is convinced that acting her way is most likely to lead you to success. After all, it works well for her. Hopefully you can positively reframe her efforts to “improve you” as caring rather than not accepting you.

    We can’t always influence how others view the world and changing who you are is certainly not a solution. Perhaps all you can do in this situation is accommodate your mom as much as you feel comfortable with and continue to be who you are.

  3. David, one thing you might try is to appeal to the preferences you and your mother share. As an introvert, your mother probably likes to reflect before acting, so she should be able to relate to your desire to think about your task before you act on it. As an intuitive type, she should be open to the possibility that there’s more than one right way to do things. And as a feeling type, she should be empathetic to your needs.

    As an INFJ myself, I understand your mother’s need for planning. I can’t even think straight if I don’t have some sort of map of future milestones laid out in my mind. Uncertainty leads to stress reactions, which play out as obsession with mundane details (the manifestation of inferior extraverted sensing). Your mom can’t help but feel stressed by the disorder she perceives in your process.

    But your process isn’t disorderly. You’ve got your milestones mapped out, too, but with a longer information-gathering phase and a shorter decision-making phase. I found that the book “The Art of Dialogue” by Carolyn Zeisset (published by CAPT in 2006) helped me understand the perceiving type’s process better than anything I’d encountered before.

  4. Donna Dunning says:

    Hi Andrea,

    Thanks for sharing your thoughtful insights and ideas. it is very helpful to hear the perspective of someone with INFJ preferences.

  5. One other observation about J/P communication: In a work environment, I’ve observed that Perceiving types may use language like “this needs to be done” instead of “you need to do this.” This confuses Judging types, who tend to be directive rather than informative in their communications. Judging types may not realize that “this needs to be done” is a call for action on their part. This leads to (sometimes very unfortunate) delays. If action items aren’t assigned to specific individuals, they usually don’t get done.

  6. Donna Dunning says:

    Interesting comment Andrea. If I say to my ISTJ son “This needs to get done.” he will ignore it. I need to say “Please do this.”. Could this direct style be more true for TJs than FJs? In my experience T/F is the preference pair that also links to direct/indirect communication differences. People with a preference for F tend to provide indirect feedback so they come across diplomatically, such as “You might want to…” or “You could…” which Ts may interpret as optional. Thanks for sharing your ideas. The more we think about these difference, the more likely we are to minimize miscommunication!

  7. I think Js in general feel more driven than Ps to assign tasks and completion dates to specific individuals, regardless of the T/F preference. It relates to scheduling and to wrapping up loose ends, more than to direct vs. indirect communication. So as an FJ, I might say in an email message,”Please send your review by Friday,” whereas an FP colleague might say “Reviews are due by Friday.” The perceiving type is providing information for the person to act on, whereas the judging type is assigning the person a task.

  8. Donna Dunning says:

    Andrea, good point. I can see where this would lead to miscommunication, as the “Reviews are due by Friday” communication may have people thinking it was general information rather than something they must do. Thanks for sharing.

  9. Christine says:

    What about when u don’t plan the weekend in advance, but plan what you are going to do on that day? Is that P or J?

  10. Donna Dunning says:

    Hi Christine,

    When you get up on the weekend and plan your day you are using J and during the week when you don’t plan, you are using P. Everyone uses both J and P some of the time. To know which one you prefer, you need to understand how and why you use J and P. For example, if you would like to plan your weekend, but can’t because you need to find out about others’ schedules, perhaps you prefer J. If you would rather just take the weekend as it comes without planning, but can’t because others want to know your plans, perhaps you prefer P. Maybe you have learned to plan, so you accomplish something or have learned to not plan so as to avoid stress when things don’t work out. These are just a couple of simple examples, many things can influence when you use planning and when you go with the flow. Obviously you use both J and P to make your weekend work for you!

  11. David says:

    Thanks Donna and Andrea both for your insights. I’ll probably check out that book “The Art of Dialogue”. 😀

    Christine, a note about determining your type: Part of what makes the MBTI useful is its application in predicting and explaining the behavior of people of different types, but a person’s type is not defined by their behavior. In other words, someone could behave exactly like a J typically would but in fact prefer P. What determines a person’s type is their internal and innate preference, which can be difficult to judge even for the person him or herself at times. When left unhindered, behavior typically follows as a result of a person’s preferences, but other factors can also influence behavior, such as circumstances, environment, culture, and experience. For example, I may prefer not to schedule anything ever, but in order to make it to work on time and fulfill my obligations there so that I can get paid and have the means to live, I do it anyway. As a P, I am capable of scheduling like a J, but I am much more comfortable and at ease when my options are open and I have the flexibility to change plans on a whim. If I were a J, I would be more comfortable when things are settled and decided and I know what to expect, so I would be more likely to schedule things even when I don’t have to. That is why it is a challenge to determine type. Sure, you can use a questionairre to help point you in the right direction, but no “test” can conclusively tell your type; only you can judge what your own type is after understanding what the preferences mean and making a self-examination.

  12. Donna Dunning says:

    Well said David!

  13. Christine says:

    I see… Yes, I think it is very hard to find your type- like you said; perference and behavior may be different. I’ll have to reflect on myself a bit more. Thank you, Donna and David, for all your words.

  14. Nat says:

    Thank you for this wonderful insight. My girlfriend (INFP) and I (INFJ) have charted our two year plan to move from Ohio to Vancouver and I want to aim high when it comes to saving money and getting things in order. At first, my girlfriend was very receptive to helping organize our plans but now she seems to have lost a little steam (no thanks to discouraging “friends”) and is worrying about everything that may go wrong along the way. I’ve been trying to explain that even though things may not go totally as planned, it’s very important to at least get our tasks organized into sizable chunks. I’m trying to give her as much room as possible in which to brainstorm but there are several things that are not negotiable that need to get done before we go (i.e. travel documents, work visas, saving money). I’m hoping that we can encourage each other and meet in the middle to accomplish such an awesome goal.

  15. Donna Dunning says:

    Hi Nat, Thanks for sharing your story. Moving can be a complex event. As well as J/P differences, both you and your girlfriend have a preference for Intuition. For Intuitive types, managing all the details can be tedious and easy to avoid. Good idea to break the goal into chunks you can manage. I’m happy my post gave you some insights into your relationship dynamics and I wish you all the best in your move.

  16. Life Coaching

    Connecting Personality Type to Communication: J/P Differences – Dunning Personality Type Experts Dunning Personality Type Experts

Leave a Reply


MBTI, Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, and Introduction to Type are registered trademarks of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator Trust in the United States and other countries.